Projection: Navigating the Land of Mirrors

Projection occurs when we unconsciously attribute our own inner fears, hopes, and unresolved emotions to someone else, shifting our internal conflicts into our external interactions.

To navigate the landscape of projections can be uncomfortable, often requiring us to see parts of ourselves that we’ve kept hidden. When we name what is happening, we take the first step toward softening and understanding the deeper dynamics at play. We begin to recognize that projection is, in fact, a protective measure—a defense mechanism to shield ourselves from truths that feel too painful to accept.

Projections as a Protective Shield

Projection allows us to shift difficult internal experiences outward, onto the people around us. This is not something we do consciously; it happens in moments where our vulnerabilities are too raw or overwhelming to bear. Instead of looking inward and seeing what is hurting, we place those feelings onto others, distancing ourselves from the pain we are not ready to face.

But while projection may offer temporary relief, it often comes at a cost. By avoiding our inner struggles, we externalize them, making our relationships and interactions more strained and complicated. When we project, we are no longer seeing the person in front of us for who they truly are. We are, instead, interacting with a reflection of our own unresolved feelings.

A Two Way Mirror

Holding space for someone who may be projecting onto you requires patience, compassion, and awareness. When you recognize that another person is projecting their unresolved feelings or insecurities onto you, it’s important to try and remain grounded and calm. Acknowledge their emotions without absorbing them as your own. A gentle way to create space in this instance is by reflecting back what you observe: “It sounds like you're feeling frustrated or upset. Is there something deeper going on?” This creates an opportunity for them to explore their own feelings while also maintaining a healthy boundary for yourself. Maintaining clear boundaries is key. Let the other person know, either subtly or directly, that while you're there to support them, the feelings they are projecting are not yours to carry. By doing so, you offer them the gift of understanding and reflection, while also protecting your own emotional space.

The Discomfort of Being Seen

One of the reasons projection happens is because we do not feel safe enough to be vulnerable—to show up fully as we are. Vulnerability asks us to soften our defenses and be seen in all our messiness and complexity. But this can feel incredibly risky, especially if we fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding.

When we don’t feel safe enough to open up, we often collapse into a defensive retreat. We protect ourselves by projecting outward, masking our internal struggles with external deflection. In doing so, we hide our most tender parts—the ones that most need care and attention.

This collapse into defense means that we are not allowing ourselves to be seen, not even by ourselves. When we retreat we hide behind the projections we place on others. And while this might protect us from the immediate discomfort of vulnerability, it also prevents us from experiencing genuine connection—both with ourselves and with those around us.

Softening into Awareness

The work of navigating projections requires us to soften into awareness. We can gently ask ourselves: What is this really about? Am I seeing this person clearly, or am I seeing my own unresolved emotions in them?

This softening is not about blame or judgment. It’s not about telling ourselves we’re wrong for projecting or avoiding. It’s about approaching our inner experience with curiosity and compassion, recognizing that projection is a sign that something within us needs attention.

When we soften into this understanding, we can start to see projection for what it is—a coping mechanism that tries to protect us from pain. But just as important, we can begin to see that this mechanism no longer serves us in the long run. What truly serves us is learning to turn inward, to recognize our own feelings of discomfort, and to hold space for those feelings without needing to push them away.

Holding space for someone who may be projecting onto you requires patience, self-awareness, and compassion. When someone projects, they are often unknowingly placing their own unresolved emotions onto you, and it can feel unfair or confusing. Stay grounded in your own truth, while offering a listening ear, recognizing that their projections are more about their internal struggles than about you. Gently set boundaries, and by holding space, you create an environment where they might feel safe enough to eventually see their own emotions more clearly, fostering a deeper connection and understanding between both of you.

Navigating the nuances of connecting and co-regulating with others requires a delicate balance of awareness, boundaries and empathy. Understanding projection can be a powerful tool in this process. By recognizing when projections arise, we can pause to reflect on our internal landscape rather than reacting impulsively to external interactions. This pause slows us down and opens the door to greater awareness, allowing us to center ourselves, which facilitates a more authentic connection with others. It may seem contradictory that slowing down during interactions can enhance connection, but it's this very act of pausing that fosters a more authentic connection in the present moment. As we cultivate this understanding, we not only enhance our relationships but also create a safer space for vulnerability and growth, allowing both ourselves and those around us to feel seen and supported.